If you can't listen, feel.

I'm in my mid-40s. Sometime in my early 40s I became extremely depressed and unhappy. I had seen a therapist a time or two and while it helped in the immediate, it was usually too expensive to continue. This time I searched around and found one that accepted my insurance but more importantly I was ready to do the work. Within a month of weekly visits I felt so much better.

Fast forward 3 years or so and I am worlds away from where I was. That does not mean I don't struggle still. With the hate-filled politics engulfing the country I had to make my world smaller. I quit watching national news years ago, now I've stopped watching any news. I don't read the paper and culled most of my social media. Anything important I hear about and I'll look at a single article or two to inform myself.

Add in Covid and I really had to make my world small. Not only do I suffer from anxiety but I'm an empath. I knew what empathy was but didn't know there are people that really pull energy into themselves from others and situations. It fits me to a T. People I'm close with I can pretty much read their minds. But what that means is when the world gets chaotic, I absorb all that.

The longer this pandemic goes the more ignorant people get. I live in Alabama, hate and ignorance central HQ. I've curated my social media feed pretty well but it still slips in. Usually from a family member. I just can't believe how people embrace stupidity as a badge of honor. I think that most of America is full of selfish people. I think that large amounts of Americans are hateful. I also think that many are plain stupid. The scary part? When they're all 3. That's my state.

Anyway, I've done a great job of keeping my head down, meditating, reading, working and exercising during this time. However I slowly get sucked in. Normally I can listen to my body and emotions and detect it. But occasionally it doesn't work. That's when I have to feel it. I feel my breath shorter, my shoulders tighter. Then I go aha! And ban social media from my life for 72 hours. At that point I immediately feel better. Once the 72 is up I ease it back in and never hesitate to pull the plug again.